Make room for thoughts…. Allow space for truth…

      Personality Quiz   How You Approach Life and How You Appear To Others
    You appear gentle and soft, and you act rather reserved with others until you know them well and feel it is safe to be open with them. You have a strong need for emotional security and a sense of belonging, and are deeply attached to the past: your heritage, roots, family, cherished friends, familiar places, etc. Making radical changes or moves away from what is known and safe can be very painful and difficult for you. You tend to cling and hold on to people, memories, possessions of personal or sentimental significance. Having a home, a safe haven, is very important to you.

The Inner You: Your Real Motivation
    At heart you are very gentle, impressionable, and receptive -a dreamer. The world of your imagination, feelings, and intuition is as real to you as anything in the outer world, though you may have trouble verbalizing or interpreting your inner experiences in a way others can understand. Mystical, artistic, musical, emotional and imaginative, you have a rich inner life, though you may seem rather unobtrusive and quiet outwardly. You usually keep to yourself.

House X

        I got a Piano Teacher and the Beach. I believe it’s my destiny coz these 2 were wat i was thinking of when i was still doing my shelter. I wanted a musician so that i can explore space and sound; i wanted the beach, well i like the beach, and it’s a nice combo. It came as a surprise when i got what i wanted. Seriously, i’m telling the truth. When ash was drawing lot, i already saw the paper that i want to take, so without hesitation, after ash’s turn, i immediately took the paper. Surprise, it read Piano Teacher. I feel like i can predict my future. I noe i noe, perasan sungguh. Yea, a piano teacher is not as interesting as a drug addict, an astronaut, a politician, an acrobat, a scientist……yadda yadda. However, i don’t see it as an easy task. My challenge? To make something not interestng to become interestng and rich in content. If i can change my character with someone else, i want a ballet dancer. Coz it’s so interesting. It’s about balance, fluidity, movement, making every moves seem effortless, discipline, rhythm, music and there’s ballet physic u noe. Like every movement got physic calculation…..basically it’s about balance. The life of a ballet dancer also not bad, they are expressive in their movents, and there’s the reality and illusion of ballet dancing. Hmmmm……how i wish i got the character. But i’m also content with piano teacher. I was thinking of Chopin and Mozart. Both of them were excellent pianist and i found out that Chopin was a piano teacher before. Perfect!

I like Chopin’s Nocturne. He composed a lot of sentimental pieces and he was a romantic pianist. On the other hand, Mozart was more dramatic in personality, so did his pieces. Fur Elise was composed by him and so did Russian Rondo. These piano pieces are magical and a bit dramatic, if u wana talk about emotions, then Mozart had a lot of damatic experiences and the changes of sound happens a lot of times. Maybe i can do both? Coz i really like both of them. Hmmmmm

      Watched Pursuit Of Happyness today. I like the phrase said by Chris Gardner ( Will Smith)  to his son " Don’t let someone tell you that you can’t do it. Not even me. If you have a dream, you have to protect it."  This movie shows how a poor person becomes successful and rich. It really doesn’t come easily. Chris Gardner was determined , hardworking and always put on a strong face. He was broke and homeless and had a son to take care of. Plus he donated blood just to get money. He create opportunities for himself and grasp them. An inspiring story.

      I’m seriously getting addicted to Princess Hours, it’s so sweet and funny lar, just can’t help it. So dramatic. Wish my life is a bit more dramatic. hehe

     Slow down and smell the roses beside you. Realise there’s more to life than work and studies. Do some charity, give back to the society. I have taken so many things in life, so it’s time to give back. What’s the point of doing a good job in studies or work? You don’t get the feeling of the same satisfaction as helping other people improve their lives. The world doen’t revolve around work, studies, technology and all. The world revolves around the inhabitants, human beings. So i think the inhabitants make the world. First and foremost, we need to take care of every one around us, to make the world a better place. I think it’s the same for architecture. Some people appreciate nice buildings but not many do. However, do the buildings do any good to the people? I think we need balance. People will start appreciate buildings when architects create buildings that embody people. Nah i don’t know what’s that word, not embody for sure. Make the inhabitants of the building as the main factor of your design. I don’t think buildings are all about tallest, greatest or most famous. there’s more to it. There should be meanings behind it all.

Destiny - Jim Brickman

what if i never knew
what if i never found you
i never had
this feeling in my heart

how did this come to be
i dont know how you found me
but from the moment i saw you
deep inside my heart i knew

baby your my destiny
you and i were meant to be
with all my heart and soul
ill give my love to have and hold
and as far as i can see
you were always meant to be
my destiny

i wanted someone like you
someone that i could hold on to
and give my love until the end
of time

but forever was just a word (just a word)
something id only heard about
but now youre always there for me
when you say forever i believe

baby your my destiny
you and i were meant to be
with all my heart and soul
ill give my love to have and hold
and as far as i can see
you were always meant to be
my destiny

maybe all we need
is just a little faith
cuz baby i believe
that love will find a way

baby your my destiny
you and i were meant to be
with all my heart and soul
ill give my love to have and hold
and as far as i can see
from now until eternity
you were always meant to be

my destinyyyy

youre my destiny

   I realised that i’m kinda invisible. A voice that people don’t hear in class, a face that’s easy to forget, a name that’s hard to remember, n a person that people will associate with other quiet people. It’s sad to hear wat other people say of me when u ask ‘ What do u think of Lee Hua?’ ‘ She’s quiet……….erm, nice, friendly…..’.  Even people wrote that in d school yearbook for my Form 5 . Those who really noe me won’t say i’m quiet or shy …… i’m crazy n talkative with those i’m familiar with. Coz i’m not d kind who fits in comfortably in a group of strangers. I need to get to noe a person well then i can express myself. People tend to not talk to me in a crowd until they have no one to talk to or bored then they’ll turn to me. I think it’s unfair to say that i’m quiet n not interesting. I’ve tried to be more open and all n i think i improved. I’m now trying to mix with everyone around me. To at least make them aware that i exist u noe. How pathetic actually to think of it. I remebered when i went to Sunway College to visit a friend, some ex classmate introduced me to his current coursemates. N 1 of them was from CHS. I said ‘ I noe u r from CHS’ ( although v r not frm d same class but i’ve seen him b4′. He said ‘ I noe u r not from CHS.’ * he was smiling when he said that* I wana punch him at that time. I mean i recognise CHS ppl even though they were not in the same class as me! Okok, i noe i’m not in d popular gang, the pretty people gang or the smart people gang but i was kinda mad ler. Then i realised have i been invisible for the past 18 years of my life? Is it that i make no difference if i don’t exist? I don’t make a class more fun, i don’t save people lives, my work is not recognizable ( coz there r so many people with better and more creative work than me), i don’t make people stop and talk to me and realise there’s more to me, i am not fashionable ( although i wana be a part of the IN crowd), i don’t speak loudly and openly often, i’m not the hard working type, people question why i’m studying architecture ( i’m sure they think i won’t make it)……….. I feel i’m nothing sometimes. Except for a bunch of good friends that keep me going. But sometimes i wana be someone people recognize n someone with value that people will learn to appreciate.

        I think i’m constantly fighting…. to live my dreams, to study architecture, to be who i want to be…. I’ve been thinking about the talent showdown. I wana give it a try but i have no time. Haiz. Even if i do, i need time to prepare. Something tells me to give it a go. I feel like i mite regret if i don’t. I realised i have not been working hard enough. Looking at the people around me, they are much more hardworking than me. I feel like i haven’t done my best. I’m really lazy. I don’t study much nowadays. Haiz, i think i really need to buck up. Ok from now on Lee Hua, you need to be more hard working and do your best and NEVER GIVE UP NO MATTER WHAT. I actually wanted to give up so many times while i was doing my shelter, luckily i didn’t give in. It’s worth it. And don’t sleep! Coz many archi students r deprived of sleep when they r doing assignments, n i hav enuf, mayb i shud b like them, but i noe i surely cant tahan even for 2 days! lol. And i need to learn to manage my time more wisely. And i cannot do my work with the ‘cincai’ manner in mind!

  I didn’t realise people read my blog, so from now on, i’ll try not to write bad stuff abt anyone or any sensitive issue. Although it’s hard. But i’ll try. No promises! I apologise now if i hurt anyone’s feelings. Just take it as some crazy girl writing rubbish : ) . I made a mistake in my last blog. I wrote that Ashley was the one who formed the words ‘ we love u’ but it was actually Cheryl who did it ( She smsed me wif an angry face, oops!). I know i’m an oldy….hehe.Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry x 100000000000. OK?

My birthday is on the 9th of March, which was yesterday. Which is one day after International Women’s Day. Lol! When i told Rachel and Cheryl about it, they laughed their heads off. Coz i said no wonder i’m like that, the whole IWA thing and Independent Women. Hahahaha.I didn’t feel excited on the day i’m turning 19 coz i got a shelter to do. Anyways, Cheryl and Rachel were suppose to come to my house to do their shelters, so i was expecting them at around 11. Then the house phone rang,

   Cheryl :" Hello, can i speak to aunty?"  * What the? Cheryl!*

   Cheryl: " Hello, Aunty Loke……" 

   Me : " I’m not Aunty!!!!!!!"

   Me : " I know you are Cheryl !"

  Then Cheryl hung up the phone. Before that, i could hear Rachel laughing in background when Cheryl spoke. Seriously, i see them and talk to them everyday, how could i not recognise their voices? Summore with Rachel’s loud distinctive laughters!

   I knew something was happening….. But whatever. Then i continued doing my shelter at the car porch. Suddenly, ‘Ey! Open the gate la!’ Rachel suddenly appeared at the gate of my crib. How rude of her! haha. So i opened the gate. I knew something’s missing, i didn’t hear Rachel’s Kancil’s noise at all. So i said ‘I know what’s going on ler’. Then she laughed and hand signalled to some one outside, and in came Ashley, Cheryl holding a birthday cake with candles, Jun Hao with a camera.

     I was like OMG. I didn’t expect Ashley and Jun Hao to come, and the cake and a present. Yup, they sang birthday song to me at the car porch,when they asked me to make a wish and blow the candle.It all happened while i was wearing my home clothes and it was recorded in a video camera!! YOu guys………

     I cut the cake and we ate it. It’s chocolate mousse if i’m not wrong. Delicious. Then we joked about the call that Cheryl made. Cheryl is really not good in acting ler, she should stick to architecture. Haha :P. After that, i opened my present. The four of them bought the present. But only Ash went to buy it. So jun hao tried guessing what’s in it. It’s the shape of a rectangular box and when you shake it, it produced the sound of pieces of things hitting the box. I guessed that it’s jigsaw puzzles. Jun Hao guessed that starfish magnets are inside the box. Ash said it is close but not correct. So when i opened the box, jun hao was surprised that he guessed it correctly for the magnet part. My present is a box of PUNK MAGNETS from Room Interior, which is really cool. It has the skeleton head magnet that i love. I guess they got the inspiration when they found out that i have a magnet board at home and i love rock and roll stuff nowadays. The magnets have words like ’sex’ (pervert ppl who created the magnets, haha), viper,vixen, tart,slag, riot, punk,mother ( what is mother doing here? Mother of Punk? Hehe), rotten, snotty( Not! lol), anarchy, slapper (???), bollocks ( sounds like buttocks!)…..The alphabets are really cool with cool fonts

  Ashley formed ‘ We love u’ out of the alphabet magnets on the table. She said they wanted to put the words on the cake but not enough space. The cream wordings on the cake , " Happy Birthday Hua! You are 19 Starfish" or something like that. OOps, can’t remeber la. Anyways, i was really touched, although i didn’t think i thank them enough. So now i wana say Thank You Guys! I formed ‘ I love u all too’ after Ash’s .

     After that, we went out to have lunch in Cozy Garden in Kuchai Entrepreneur Park. The food there is good, reasonable price. I shared Mushroom Sauce Lamb Chop with Ash. It was really nice with lots of mushrooms, creamy mushroom sauce and potato salad. Jun Hao and Rachel had spaghetti while Cheryl had chicken maryland. It was a really nice lunch.

       Then Cheryl and Rachel came back to my place to do shelter. Cheryl helped me to pull my shelter up.In the end, mine can’t stand coz my cardboards are just too heavy and fragile. i was really down. Then i got some advice from my dad, and i kinda thought of a solution myself afterwards. I think it’s too late to change another design now, plus i spent a lot of time doing the circle thingy. Somehow, i gained more strength and not give up or break down seeing my shelter fail. Now i have the urge to make it successful.

       My family and I went out for dinner. We wanted to eat at Chillies in KLCC but have to wait for 45 minutes. It was already 9 pm that time. So we tried our luck in Madam Kwan’s but there’s a long waiting list. Haiz. So in the end, we enjoyed our dinner in California’s Kitchen Pizza.  Nice food, not the typical kind of pizza you’ll get.

       So that’s the end of my birthday. I’m officially 19 now. I don’t want to turn 20 so fast. I still want to be an innocent, know nothing, happy happy and watch TV everyday, parents take care of everything 8 year old girl. I wish i could turn back time.

  This is the result of my handwriting personality quiz. Kinda true

"Your handwriting reveals you as a thoughtful, intellectual type who avoids fake people and places where there’s lots of noise and crowds. You’re probably the one people go to when they’re feeling super sad and don’t run off at the mouth unless someone hounds you for your opinion. Being creative is probably easy for you, but expressing it in front of a large group is not. You might write in a blog or journal, enjoy things that are old-fashioned or obscure and (maybe) don’t get most pop culture references (who cares about ‘em anyway?). "

    I don’t understand the purpose of life yet, but 19 years on earth had taught me something. I know how to be a person, well i’m not sure, but i think i know. hehe. I think there’s more to materiality and achievement and always waniting to be on top. It’s better to slow down your path once in a while and look at the people around you and start appreciating them. How they appeared in your life has affected you, how they care about you in any ways. Without them, you are not what you are today. Good, bad, sadness, happiness, sorrows……. they are there to help u through or break your spirits, but you should thank them, because you have found your inner strength. You don’t fight them but know how to stand on your own and know your self worth. You don’t expect everyone to know what you are thinking or your fabulous ideas, but you don’t have to brag about it, there’s always a mountain higher than the previous. Being humble is what i learnt through lessons in life so far. Although i must say i’m not sure i’m humble. Hhehehe! It’s just good to know where you stand and how you want to improve your lives. I’ve been chasing dreams of being famous and talented long time ago, but i realised those aren’t important. It’s about changing people’s lives and the world with what you do. This has really make me passionate in what i do. I put people’s priorities in what i do, to make people’s lives comfortable, to improve their everyday. This is what i want to do for the rest of my life. There’s never the best design because there’s always people better than you, but do what you think you are suppose to do, do your best, you’ll be satisfied. Challenge yourself.

    I want to thank a really good friend of mine, E Ting, who had taught me about charity and helping people. She would sacrifce her life to help other people. She always put other people’s priorities before hers, so she’s one of the people i look up to. She’s really hardworking and determine to achieve her goals. She never stops until she reaches the star. She has really good personal qualities in her. I seldom find people with such qualities….

     Make your mark in life….there’s never another you in this world. Change the world n a positive way, make people look on the brighter side and condemn ugly behaviours like greediness and selfishness.  These are the bad qualities that make a society lose its essence. Think about the world, the people around you, the society, the things that you have, the things that you don’t have……When you start to appreciate, you make other people appreciate all the things around them too….

The dark clouds above my head are slowing going away…..I’m hoping that i have the strength to move on , to move along with time, and to complete my task in time……And hopefully it’ll succeed…..my dream and vision, it’s not easy, but step by step, i think i can make it happen…..  Wish me luck!

              Way Back Into Love ( song from Music and Lyrics)

I've been living with a shadow, over head
I've been sleeping with a cloud, above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time
to clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make through without a way back into love
Oh-oh

I've been watching
but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching
but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
there's gotta be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
and I'm open to your suggestions

All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping that you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
and if you'll help me to start again
you know that I'll be there for you in the end