Make room for thoughts…. Allow space for truth…

           Having joined the tour to cambodia was a right thing coz i saw the angkor wat, took great pics of it, ate some gross things and met an architect. He’s like a fatherly figure, who asked me to try, to believe in myself and stand up for what i believe in even others try to bring me down,  told me never be afraid to take risks ( which i always do…. ), and read alot to learn the fundamentals and the architects….. I’ve never met such a person before, so encouraging… I’ve hit rocks but i’m always the one who console my own self, telling myself to hang in there and i’ll see the sun one day. I always nid 2 stand up for what i think is right and right for me and what i want to do. it may not be the best choice but i take it as a learning experience. If i am not to try now, when wil i ever be? He sort of gave me the courage to do so many things and not afraid to fall down. He reaffirm that i can dream….. and it’s a good thing. He saw so many things that i’ve not seen in life. I hope that i can look in front and not always looking back. Getting a B in Studio 2? It means i nid 2 work harder. it’s an alphabet close to A. So it’s not so far actually. i still have my chances. And i don’t regret at all that i did what i did, i’m still looking for my mark. " Never give up" was what he said to me, and reminding me to be passionate. He made achitecture sounds like a profession like no other. He encouraged me to travel around the world especially europe to look at their architecture, it’s all back to history, you can’t move forward without learning the fundamentals.The last word that he said to me shook me the most. I had mixed feelings about it but it was so true…. It has the most impact.It was what i need to tell myself and it was what i lacked. It’s something that i nid to learn … … I hope to meet him again, like i said, i haven’t seen someone like him before.

          I haven’t forgotten friendster yet although now i’m addicted to facebook. don’t know why nowadays always feel emptiness when i go back home. i realise i don’t have much friends. high school friends are busy. well, my schedule is different from them. i sleep when ppl are awake, i wake up in the middle of the night to do work. don’t even talk about yum cha wif friends, i don’t even talk much with my family. everytime i feel dey r adding the stress or mess in my mind. what to do? so i just talk to cheryl and rachel on the way back home everyday lor. i don’t even care about the things around me anymore. Bersih rally? i read dat from erin’s blog. facebook is my social life. reading friend’s blog is my way of updating myself wif what’s happening wif them. erin is in melbourne but she noes what’s happening in m’sia like the bersih rally and all. i’m tired of we bohemians r always the slowest. i don’t blame train project for affecting my studio work or other works. i have no complaints…. but always the group dat is tegur-ed by lih jiunn is frustrating. v really tried our best. and we r hoping for the best, dat our part will turn out nice. i didn’t send ms shereen my drawing online as promised on one night coz we (me, rach n cheryl) reached home arnd 12.30 mid nite from hilton. i couldn’t blame on train… and i didn’t want to coz i noe my responsibility as student. too tired to take photos n scan so i send 2 ms shereen the next day. i don’t want to b labelled as a blamer…. everything oso got excuse, blame on something. i’m doing what i can do now. it’s the best i could. i have no one to turn to already. if there ever is…. it’s either i haven’t complete it yet, or too tired or still couldn’t come up wif a better idea. it’s my fourth one and my final one. i don’t noe whether it’s for the better or worse…. i think it’s the best out of the four. what’s important is how i think rite? must have faith in my work….. keep designing till i noe wat works and wat doesn’t now…. hope this one does. one thing for sure, i hope dey don’t think it’s rubbish, dats it. and dat i can hand in on time. thanx 2 cheryl who taught me ( actually helped me) with premier pro. n rachel oso for my ‘advisor’ when i have queries or jz nid advise for  studio work. u guys r d other ears who listen to my rants or whatever. i won’t forget u all when i become famous. lol.

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I’ve been tagged by dimi….. This is actually my first tag!

Here are the RULES :

1) The victim has to come up with 8 different points about his/her perfect partner.

2) Has to mention the gender of his or her partner

3) Tag 8 other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.

4) If you are tagged the 2nd time, there is NO need to do it again. Lastly, have fun doing it!

Answers:

1) a. must be TALLer than me.

    b. decent looking. Don’t have to be hot, sexy n good looking.    Pleasing to the eyes n fit sudah ok.

    c. considerate and sensitive ( but not overly, like what chyi said " i dun wan a guy who cries when watching titanic)

    d. artistic soul. ( at least abit la since i’m doing something related to designs)

    e. likes to travel n up for adventures. Someone who is ready to tough it out n not complain.

    f. has talent. i’m sucker for guys who have great talents! like yundi li *wink wink*

    g. KIND. not so self centred. Know what’s happening around them n do what he can to change the situation. ( as in charity work ar …..hehehe).

     h. intellectual, knows alot of things…. can educate me oso!

     i. has a great drive for life! Enjoy life n do alot of things other than work or study. But must not do very badly for work or study oso la. determination…..never give up…..bla bla bla

     j. able to make me laugh!

     h. treat everyone equally! i don’t like those who would fall head over heels for pretty girls n totally ignore the others. Those r losers! like SeRiOuSLy!

      okay….i gave 11 points instead of 8 only. hahahaah

2) male la

3)   hmmmmm

          okay. i’m going to tag

            1.   hayden

            2.   li yin

            3.   seth

            4.  jessmine

            5.  jun hao

            6.  Nelly

            7.  Ei Ei

            8.  No one

               " Writing Chinese characters," her mother told her," is entirely different from writing English words. You think differently. You feel differently." And it was true: LuLing was different when she was writing and painting. She was calm, organized, and decisive.

               " Bao bomu taught me how to write," LuLing said one evening. "She taught me how to think. When you write, she said, you must gather the free-flowing of your heart." To demonstrate, LuLing wrote the character for "heart". "See? Each stroke has its own rhythm, its balance, its proper place. Bao bomu said everything in life should be the same way."

               " Who’s Bao bomu again?" Ruth asked.

               " She took care of me when i was a girl. She loved me very much, just like a mother. Bao, well, this means ‘precious’, and together with bomu, this means ‘Precious Auntie’. Oh, that Bao bomu, the crazy ghost. LuLing started to write a simple horizontal line. But the movements were not simple. She rested the tip of the brush on the paper, so it was like a dancer sur les pointes. The tip bent slightly downward, curtsied, and then, as if blown by capricious winds, swept to the right, paused, turned a half step to the left and rose. Ruth blew out a sigh. Why even try? Her mother would just get upset that she could not do it right.

                 Some nights LuLing found ways to help Ruth remember the characters. "Each radical comes from an old picture from a long time ago." She made a horizontal stroke and asked Ruth if she could see what the picture was. Ruth squinted and shook her head. LuLing made the identical stroke. Then again and again, asking each time if Ruth knew what it was. Finally her mother let out a snort, the compressed form of her disappointment and disgust.

                  " This line is like a beam of light. Look, can you see it or not?"

                  To Ruth, the line looked like a sparerib picked clean of meat.

                   LuLing went on: " Each character is a thought, a feeling, meanings, history, all mixed into one." She drew more lines. dots and dashes, downstrokes and upstrokes, bends and hooks. "Do you see this?" she said over and over, tink-tink-tink. " This line, and this and this - the shape of a heavenly temple." And when Ruth shrugged in response, LuLIng added, "In the old style temples," as if this word old would bump the Chinese gears of her daughter’s mind into action. Ping ping! Oh, I see.

                   Later LuLing had Ruth try her hand at the same character, the whole time stuffing Chinese logic into her resistant brain. "Hold your wrist this way, firm but still loose, like a young willow branch - aiya, not collapsed like a beggar lying on the road… Draw the stroke with grace, like a bird landing on a branch, not an executioner chopping off a devil’s head. The way you drew it - well, look, the whole thing is falling down. Do it like this… light first, then temple. See? Together, it means ‘news from the gods.’ See how this knowledge comes from above? See how Chinese words make sense?

                                                     -THE BONESETTER’S DAUGHTER,

                                                                                     AMY TAN

            It’s like an art piece, you can’t make a 2nd piece that looks the same.

             I discovered…….

I can live the life of a wanderer very well

I like to go to places that no one has gone before

do things no one did before

I tend to walk alone more often than usual

i did not plan to

like what i said before

i have my own pace

sometimes i like to walk fast, sometimes slow

walking alone, i discovered more

things get to my senses more easily

i get to captured the essence more profoundly

i get to appreciate and analyse more

that is probably why

my family members keep looking for me while holidaying in Bangkok

i can just disappear in a blink of an eye

always not going with the group

going against the current?

is it good or bad?

something from somewhere tells me to fight against the current

not only today

even before that

need to learn to not doubt myself

learn to go crazy sometimes

not so conservative i guess

i like to travel

anywhere in the world

think global but live like the locals

this is true travelling

absorbing the culture like a sponge

adds colours, texture and richness to life

this is so meaningful that i find a new interest in my life

They said " you have changed so much compare to the lee hua two years ago"

i like some of the changes but not all

i like the way i look at things now

i like my more open-minded mind

the other things that have changed which i don’t really like

shall keep in the dark for awhile

What someone said today makes me wonder

How do you differentiate a background singer and a singer?

One is low profile, one is well known and loved

Their talents?

the same in my opinion

both can sing well

one sings behind, one in the limelight

efforts and determination are the differences it seems

one thing for sure,

what’s at the back can always move to the front ( and vice versa)

obstacles you will face for sure

but that shouldn’t stop anyone

for making it to the front is a glamorous thing

but never forget how you made it there

for arrogance will cost you what you’ve gained

Always wanted to have a gap year

travel across the world as an exchage student

never had the chance to

Now my wish is to join a voluntary group or a charity organization

to help the people in need

to give back something to the world

however i always lose the battle to time

for i have my other responsibilities

I hope people will not only look at what’s on the surface

and ignore what’s inside

how do you change what people think and perceive?

99% of the people in the world is like that

i bet you are like that

even i dare say i’m like that most of the time

but trying to change now

because when i get older

attractive things don’t seem so attractive anymore

used to have crushes on cute or good looking guys easily

Now?

no feelings at all

don’t take it wrong

i’m not senget

probably i’ll just go ‘ooh, he’s cute’ and that’s it

what’s inside is more attractive

but guess what?

i’ve been seeing alot of ugly things

not in the sense of physical

and not only from the opposite sex

          Mom’s sister’s eldest son. Around 5 years old this year. Physically retarded. Was born this way. Weak limbs. Normally lies in bed. Couldn’t walk. Very thin and sick. Can’t eat properly. Got babysitter took care of him. Fed him. Bathed him. Parents took him to see doctors. Brought him to physiotherapy sessions to build up his body. Sad childhood. Got 1 brother and 1 sister. They are happy, lively and active. Eat well, play and learn. Imagine yourself always in bed and your brother and sister are enjoying themselves. Recently, he became better and healthier.

          Then, he died. Yesterday. It’s a matter of time. Just didn’t think it would be so fast. Apparently, the babysitter was feeding him. Gave him a rather big tablespoonful of rice. He choked. Then died. The doctor discovered a lump of rice stuck in his throat during the post mortem. He couldn’t breathe. Sad right. So sayang. I thought it has something to do with his spastic condition. Spastic children must be well taken care of. Even while they are eating. Because they are weak, they are slightly slower. So can’t expect them to chew and swallow like normal person. Everyone should go visit SCAS & FT. See how the spastic children live their lives. You would be surprise to see them so happy, even happier than you. Their lives and world are so pure. They cherish their moments, learnings and they like to meet new people. I think my nephew had a weak heart……

            My grandmother died while she was eating as well. When my uncle went to see her, he saw her face laid on top of a rice bowl. He thought she pengsan, but actually she passed away. About one month b4 she died, she was in the hospital. She accidentally fell down the stairs and i think she knocked her head. THen, she encountered memory loss. She couldn’t remember who we were and she was acting like a child. Shouting. Manja-ing ( didn’t want to eat and all), claiming my aunty is her mother in law ( my aunty was her daughter in law).The worst part was seeing how my mom, my aunt n my uncle took the things that went their way. Funeral was sad. We cried and some paople tried to copy down the number plate of a paper car we were burning for my grandma.

          On the last night of the chinese funeral day, we went to my grandmas’ house. Settling things and packing. I was sitting in the living room. Everyone was busy with something. My grandma’s room’s door was slightly open. I heard a faint crying sound. Not just once. A few times. I checked to see whether anyone hear it. I saw everyone was in the living room. My aunts, uncles, nephew, mom, dad………. Then, my aunt entered my grandma’s room to take something. I went and saw nobody inside. Shiver ran down my spine. I told my mom later. She told me when my dad’s mom died when i was around 3 to 4 years old. When i went to the funeral, i cried very loudly. Everbody was stunned. Me being a 3 year old kid who knew nothing. But my grandma really sayang me wan la. So everybody started showing their emotions, they cried after they saw a kid who knew nothing cried. Then in one occasion, when my parents and my relatives were talking about my grandma. Then i said and pointed a finger to one direction saying that grandma was there in the corner. I was very young also la that time. IN my old house in Serdang, sometimes a brown moth will come visit me n my bros when we were studying in the study room. It came like certain days in a year. When it comes, it comes quite often then it diasppears. It happened every year. My mom used to say it’s my grandpa or grandma came to see whether we were studying or not. But sometimes, it goes up to my bedroom! But i was accustomed to it.

           There are quite a few other things that i encountered. But i’m leaving it for next time.

             I feel that people are taking advantage of me.

                   I’m trying to find the line that separates

                   me being easy going and me being used.

                  

                                        Silent thoughts

                                        Silent anger

                                        Silent wonder

                                        Silent meanings

                                        Silent tears

                                        Silent wishes

                                        Silent hopes

                                        Silent fears

                                        Silent voice

                                        Silent opinions

                                        Silent hatred

                                        Silent love

                                        Silent relief

                                        Silent aggression

                                        Silent findings

                                        Silent lips

                                        Silent passion

                                        Silent force

                                        Silent chase

                                        Silent sleep